The Invincible Moonsheen – Part-44 (Telugu Original “Venutiragani Vennela” by Dr K.Geeta)

The Invincible Moonsheen

Part – 44

(Telugu Original “Venutiragani Vennela” by Dr K.Geeta)

English Translation: V.Vijaya Kumar

(The previous story briefed)

Sameera comes to meet her mother’s friend, Udayini, who runs a women’s aid organization “Sahaya” in America. Sameera gets a good impression of Udayini. Four months pregnant, Sameera tells her that she wants to get a divorce and the circumstances are conducive to it. Udayini asks her to listen to the story of “Tanmayi” and pursue her to make her own decision after listening to the story. Tanmayi and Shekhar, who met at a wedding ceremony, go to marry with the permission of their elders. After the marriage they started their new life in Visakhapatnam. A boy was born to the couple in a year of their marriage. Tanmay engages in her studies deeply and enjoys the friendship with her colleagues forgetting all about her household disturbances. Her parents came to stay with her for a month while Shekhar is away on his long-term camp.

***

Dasara holidays approached. Since money was a major constraint, Tanmayi could not afford to go back home immediately after joining her new job and bringing her kid along. However, she had to sit for her Pre-PhD examination before the completion of her first year.

Unexpectedly, the exam date was finalized for the first Monday following the Dasara holidays. Since she had to go to Visakhapatnam anyway, Tanmayi temporarily put aside the thought of buying a vehicle and set out for home. She took leave from college in the afternoon, boarded a bus, and reached Hyderabad. It was nearly seven o’clock by the time she reached the railway station. As her train was not until nine at night, she sat on a ledge near the Higginbothams bookshop on the platform. She pulled out a weekly magazine hanging at the very end of the string tied to the shop and asked, “Can I look at this?”

The poem on the second page, accompanying a full-page illustration, was compelling enough to read immediately.

“On the canvas of this life,

The brush of age

With colors of experience,

Painted memory-pictures.

No matter how much time’s water spills,

They do not fade.”

“How well written!” she couldn’t help but think.

She turned the page to check the author’s name.

“Kiran Prabha.”

From behind, her son pulled at the end of her sari.

With slight irritation, she asked, “What is it?”

She was astonished to see Prabhu standing right there, looking at her.

“You… here?” she asked.

“Did you think I wouldn’t know you were going to your hometown unless you told me?” he said, placing a tiffin box in her hand.

“Cashew stuffed upma. I made it myself. Eat it as soon as you board the train. You will be hungry by then.”

He took a Five Star chocolate from his pocket and tried to give it to the kid.

Babu turned toward Tanmayi, hesitating whether to take it or not.

“Oh my goodness. You are raising him strictly. It seems he won’t even take a chocolate without your permission. He laughed and said, “It’s okay, take it.”

Only after Tanmayi nodded did the kid quickly grab it and say, “Thank you.”

“Really, how did you know?” she asked thoughtfully.

“I called your home. Tayiba told me which train you were taking. What is there to hide in that?” he said.

Surprised, she said, “Oh, nothing. But why are you… troubling yourself?” She looked at the box, unable to speak further, and lowered her head.

Why does he have so much affection for her?

She asked him the same.

In response, he laughed and mimicked the announcer, “There, the announcement has started that the train is arriving. Please listen.”

Even though Tanmayi protested, he carried her luggage and asked, “Tell me the berth number.”

As soon as she settled in, he got off the train saying, “Go safely. I will be waiting.”

He stood holding the window bars until the train began to move.

“Don’t forget to write a letter,” he said finally. An indescribable pain resonated in his voice.

Although she understood his words and his pain, her heart hesitated. Old wounds deep inside were still aching. She was not in a state to welcome him, nor could she harshly warn him to stay away. What did he know about her or her life to follow her like this?

As soon as the train started, the kid began complaining of hunger.

When she opened the box lid, the aroma of cashews, curry leaves, and ginger wafted out. She fed her son and ate some herself. It was as if all his love had been mixed into it; the upma was incredibly tasty. Her heart filled with gratitude simply because he had thought she would be hungry upon boarding. The kid drifted into sleep as soon as he ate. Thoughts of Prabhu surrounded her. He was wasting his life thinking about them. His journey was just beginning; he had so much to achieve. No, no! This must stop here. It is better for her to exit his life now, while it is still starting. What if she told him right now?

As the thought struck, she took an inland letter from her purse and started writing.

We just finished the upma you took the trouble to bring for me. I have never eaten anything so tasty in my life until now. Saying ‘thank you’ is too small a word for how much you think about us. Whatever the reasons, I never knew you as well as you knew me in childhood. To me, you are a friend I have just met. It felt awkward that you stood there for me until the train moved. I don’t like to trouble anyone. I can understand the adoration you have had for me since childhood. But I cannot watch you waste your time and life revolving around me. You understand, don’t you?

Your well-wisher,

Tanmayi.

She didn’t feel calm even after folding the letter and putting it in her purse.

She decided to post it as soon as she reached home in the morning.

Usually, she loved the rhythmic sound of the rails and the rocking motion of the train journey, which had been a favorite since childhood. Sleep usually came rushing in as soon as she boarded a train, but tonight sleep eluded her.

Since she had a window berth, the shadows of trees moved fast in the dark, racing against the beautiful crescent moon that had just risen in the sky.

Suddenly, the train slowed at a station. Her thoughts seemed to slow down with it.

She began to converse with herself.

“Forgive me, Anonymous friend! It has been so long since I conversed with you. I see Prabhu in your form. But I don’t know if it is my illusion. I don’t want to knowingly make his life difficult. At the same time, I don’t want to push away someone who has adored me since childhood. You tell me what to do.”

The train seemed about to start again.

“You tell me, friend, what to do,” she said, closing her eyes.

A bell rang loudly in the station.

“True (Nijam),” someone said.

***

Knowing Vanaja was in town, she set out for her house as soon as she arrived.

“Why are you in such a hurry to go out? You come so rarely, and as soon as you get here, you run to your friend? You could go before leaving. She isn’t fleeing away,” said Jyothi.

“Let her go, it’s been a long time since the friends met,” said Bhanumurthy.

Her father, who once handled everything on his own, was now in a condition where he couldn’t move from his folding chair without assistance. Tanmayi felt a pang of guilt that it was all her fault. Without answering her mother, she walked toward Vanaja’s house. Vanaja had come home for her second delivery. The baby girl looked beautiful with rounded eyes. Vanaja, wearing a towel tied around her waist, was slowly walking back and forth. Seeing Tanmayi, she held her hands affectionately.

“It’s a female baby again. We have to see if a boy is born at least the third time,” said Vanaja’s mother, as if some injustice had occurred because a girl was born again.

“Enough with your crazy talk, Amma. You’ve become just like a mother-in-law. I’ve already died and came back to life twice; you want a third time too?” Vanaja said, raising her voice slightly.

Her mother laughed and went inside. Tanmayi was surprised. She had never known Vanaja to speak to her mother with such familiarity or authority. If it were her mother, she would have started crying before the second sentence was finished. Or she would have gone a step further and stopped speaking for a week.

She said the same to Vanaja.

“My mother is innocent. An average woman living in a patriarchal system. Anyway, do you even remember me? You don’t reply no matter how many letters I write,” said Vanaja, feigning anger.

What could she tell Vanaja about her pathetic backstory?

Hearing Tanmayi’s sigh, Vanaja said, “I was just joking. If I don’t understand you, how can I be your friend? Keep that aside, tell me about you. How are you? New job, new town, new life, how is it?” she asked with interest.

“Life is going peacefully without any hassles, Vanaja!”

“So, like our childhood?” Vanaja asked.

“Uh-uh. Even without hassles, childhood freedom is different. Current life is different. Perhaps childhood days will never return,” Tanmayi said with a small, thoughtful smile.

“Whatever it is. You achieved what you wanted in life without stepping back anywhere. Do you know I tell people proudly that you are my friend?” said Vanaja.

Tanmayi always felt the strength of a thousand elephants when Vanaja spoke. While talking, Tanmayi took the Gitanjali book from the glass cupboard.

It was the one she had given Vanaja. “Wow, you kept it so carefully, Vanaja!” Tanmayi said.

Actually, she had kept hers just as safely. Before their marriages, when leaving for their in-laws’ houses, the two had exchanged copies of Gitanjali. Tanmayi read aloud the first poem she saw as she turned the pages, applying it to herself.

“Day after day, O lord of my life, shall I stand before thee face to face? With folded hands, O lord of all worlds, shall I stand before thee face to face? Under thy great sky in solitude and silence, with humble heart shall I stand before thee face to face…”

Unable to read further, Tanmayi’s voice choked. Noticing this, Vanaja quickly came closer. “Is everything really okay?”

Why is she suddenly remembering Prabhu? Is she becoming attracted to him? Why does she feel a sense of loss when she thinks of him?

Unable to say anything, Tanmayi shook her head silently.

“I don’t know, Vanaja! There is comfort in a solo life, but also so much anxiety. The pain of lacking a warm touch when the world sleeps in silence… the pain of lovelessness that torments the mind along with the body… the pain of being unable to untangle one’s hair when sick.” Wiping the tears flowing from her eyes with her sari, she said, “You are now in your full months… It’s not right for me to make you sad along with me. I’ll come again,” and stood up.

Vanaja held her hand to stop her. “Wait, drink some water first and calm down,” she said.

After taking the baby inside and putting her to sleep, Vanaja sat on the ledge under the almond tree in the backyard. “Come here. Who is he?” she asked with a gentle smile.

With a teary film still in her eyes, Tanmayi smiled quickly and began to tell her.

Hearing it all, Vanaja leaned forward excitedly. “It seems he truly likes you. Why must you keep him at a distance?”

Seeing Tanmayi remain silent, she added, “I won’t deny that living together has its problems, and living alone has its own. Get clarity on how you want to live. There is a difference between someone choosing you and someone showing pity. It seems Prabhu likes you honestly. Take as much time as you like and think slowly.”

All the way back, only Vanaja’s words echoed in Tanmayi’s mind. She knew how scared she was to sleep alone at night.

Despite bolting the door with the latch, placing an iron bar across it, pushing a chair against the door, and placing a heavy rice tin on the chair, she still feared insecurity every night. Only she knew how many sleepless nights she spent sobbing, unable to live alone but forced into a solitary life. At the same time, she didn’t want to jump from the frying pan into the fire.

On the way home, her mind felt slightly settled after dropping the letter written to Prabhu in the post box.

With two days left in Dasara holidays, Tanmayi set out for Visakhapatnam. Mary had been pestering her for a long time to stay with her. It had finally worked out. Moreover, she needed to study calmly for the Pre-PhD exam. Since she had to go directly to Hyderabad from there as there were no more holidays, Tanmayi brought the kid along.

When she got off at the railway station, loneliness surrounded her as no one had come to pick her up. This city had disturbed her dreams. How strange!

As she took a few steps with her luggage, Mary came towards her. “The bus was late. How are you, Tanmayi?”

“Oh, you didn’t have to come to the station for me. I would have come myself,” said Tanmayi.

“I know how depressing it feels if no one comes for us when we get off the train. Besides, it’s been so long since I saw you. How could I not come?” Mary said, reaching out to hold the kid.

The kid shook his head ‘no’.

“Oh my goodness, he has grown up,” Mary said, pinching his cheeks.

As the auto traveled along the coast, Tanmayi began to feel extremely pleasant. Mary kept chattering away.

Her mind separated from her body, wrapped around the waves from the shore, spread its wings in the breeze, and danced on the foam of the waves, becoming a bird wandering freely. She crashed back into this world when the kid shook her to show her something on the side of the road. A familiar person appeared next to the auto, riding a bike with his wife and small daughter.

“That’s Karuna, isn’t it?” Mary asked.

“Could be,” Tanmayi said dispassionately.

“So he settled down, poor thing, with just one wife,” Mary teased.

Tanmayi didn’t extend the conversation. “Mary, shall we go to Kailasagiri?”

The auto turned at the MVP Colony junction.

“By the way, why did we come via Beach Road to get to MVP Colony from the station?” Tanmayi asked.

Stopping Mary who was getting down to pay the auto driver, Tanmayi took out the money and said happily, “You told him to take that route because you wanted to show me the sea as soon as I got off the train, didn’t you?”

It was her great fortune to get a friend like Mary. She read the feelings in her heart and made her happy. She told Mary the same.

“Enough! I’ll look after the kid, you prepare for your studies happily,” said Mary, making coffee.

Even though Prabhu loves her so passionately, why does she want to keep him at a distance?

His thoughts began to surround her again.

*****

(Continued next month)